...why you don't fuck with my parking spot.

No, I won't pop a cap in yo' ass...but I will get even.

(editor's note: There seems to be some understandable confusion. By "my" spot, I mean the one I dug out and put milk crates in. After five years of city living and over 40" of snow in a five day span, I finally succumbed to the "tradition" of "reserving" a parking spot. I'm writing about the people who didn't observe said "tradition" and moved the crates out of the spot to park there.)

These people are going to come out tomorrow thinking they have a nice, clean spot to just pull right out of. WRONG FUCKERS!

These people are going to come out and have a lot less snow to shovel! Notice how I spent extra attention on blocking in the front tires.

I decided, when I got home and saw that a nice, clean VW was in the spot I so carefully and arduously spent over an HOUR digging out of this morning, and I saw my crates moved out of said spot and onto the snow bank next to it, that the owners of that car were a special kind of asshole and they would pay.

Now, if I'd listened to my mother, to enact my revenge I would have let the air out of their tires. (Apparently, this is her M.O. used against an ex's new g/f that parked in front of her house - that's my girl.)  Effective, yes, but it wouldn't drive home my point - which is...if you didn't earn the spot, and the objects in the spot aren't yours, FIND ANOTHER SPOT YOU LAZY JACKHOLE.


UPDATE:  The lazy jackhole/fucker/special asshole was not in the spot when I went to work this morning. However, I am pleased to report that he/she/they had to dig themselves out. Again. So I'm imagining their morning went something like this:

Asshole #1: "Do do do doo...la la la...oh how nice it will be to get into our car this morning without shoveling again."
Asshole #2: "Yes, I will enjoy the labors of that person who thought that milk crates would keep US out of a nicely shoveled parking spot."
Asshole #1: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Can you imagine the look on their face when they went to - WHAT THE FUCK?? WHY IS OUR CAR SNOWED IN??"
Asshole #2: "WHAT?! But when we stole that spot last night, it was so snow-free!"
Asshole #1: "The karma elves must have come overnight to punish us for our selfish and ingnorant behavior."
Asshole #2: "The snow is not enough. We should shovel out the elderly and then impale ourselves on the ends of our shovels."
The End.
I say there are two assholes because the car looked suspiciously like the one across from me yesterday morning that two yupsters were digging out. And obviously, I took creative license with the end of that dialog. They clearly would not have the self-awareness or courtesy to realize the extent of their douchiness.

Also, while I almost put my crates back in MY spot...I thought it might start a vicious passive-aggressive crate-removing-snow-shoveling war. And really, I just don't have the time or energy for that.